Confront your inner demons!

We spend so much time identifying and reasoning about the cause of our emotional wounds. We analyze the situations and people that brought us pain, the events that we regret about our past, the wrongs that others have done onto us. Our reasoning process is not unlike what is employed by investigators when solving a crime. However, such an exercise of finger pointing cannot bring about any healing.... “Solving the crime” is hardly as important as getting to the source of the wound, which is understanding:


1) Why do we choose to remain hurt?
2) Why do we struggle with forgiveness?
3) Why do we choose to flaunt our wound?
4) Why do we choose to induce guilt onto others?
5) Why do we choose to hurt others instead of letting go?

Its important to be at Peace with oneself. If we wish to heal ourselves and become peaceful, we must confront our inner demons and slay them, rather than battling with the ones on the outside.


BELIEVE
K

An Inspirational Short Story – The Emperor and The Seed

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He ...called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.”

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here after one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!”

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But honest about what happened, Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “What great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!” All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor? Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust. If you plant goodness, you will reap friends. If you plant humility, you will reap greatness. If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory. If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony. If you plant hard work, you will reap success. If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation. If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy. If you plant patience, you will reap improvements. If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But
If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust. If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness. If you plant pride, you will reap destruction. If you plant envy, you will reap trouble. If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation. If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation. If you plant greed, you will reap loss. If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies. If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles. If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.
!!If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.!!
!!If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.!!


Keep the faith alive!
Kaks

Be True to your preferences, Needs & Desires

One reason why we do not get what we want is simply because we have not clearly defined what it is we want. As children, we were well connected to our inner selves, and knew exactly what we wanted. As time goes by, we get conditioned to suppress our own desires for the benefit of those around us. We train ourselves to do things to gain the approval of our parents, teachers, siblings, friends, love...rs, and spouses. Over time, we may even came to believe that it is selfish to put ourselves before others. This negative belief is self-sabotaging, and gets in the way of creating and living the life we desire and deserve.

Putting others before yourself may work in the short term - you may please those around you and gain their approval. Eventually though, your heart is not going to be happy living someone else’s life. Too many people get into certain careers because everyone in their family is in that profession, without considering their unique talents, passions and skills. In some parts of the world, people still break up with their romantic partners if parents do not approve of their relationship. Most people live a limited life without following their passions, as someone close to them - perhaps spouses, parents, children, or siblings, do not approve of what they want to pursue. Repeated decisions made on behalf of others do not serve us in the long term - it simply kills the joy that life is meant to be.

If we want to get that passion back in our lives, we need to to start loving ourselves and be true to our hearts. We need to stop settling for less than we want. We need to start acknowledging, asserting and honoring our preferences, needs and desires, however small they may be. It is important that we assert our choices instead of saying “I don’t care”, “It does not matter to me”, or “whatever”. In each and every situation, we need to start acting as if we have a choice and make it clear what it is. By doing this consistently, we will begin to regain the power we gave up in many years of conditioning. Only when we are clear about what we want, will people will start aligning to our needs better. Without asking, we will not be given.

Making other peoples desires and needs more important than yours is simply a habit you learned over time. You can easily unlearn it by being true to your preferences, needs and desires. There is no selfishness in pursuing the life that you want - in fact it is your birthright. If you do not act in your self-interest, who will? People who really love you will stand up for what your heart desires, and not stop your from living the life you are meant to live. So march on and assert yourself - bring that passion and joy that you were born with back into your life.

Find a way to express your inner being.
Sing the song you have come here to sing!

Kaks

You can never win an Argument

You can never win an argument. An argument happens when two people try to push their point of view onto the other. Since both are pushing, both are resisting the other’s opinion. What you resist persists, and each person’s point of view simply gets stronger and stronger. An argument implies two or more people talking with a win-lose mentality, where in order for you to win, you have to make the ot...her person wrong. Since no one wants to be wrong, the situation at the end of the argument is usually much worse than at the beginning of the argument.


Every situation has multiple perspectives, and this is why two people experiencing the same situation will never report the exact same experience. Students of algebra can easily understand this. A linear equation has only one root (solution), whereas a quadratic equation has two roots, and a polynomial equation has multiple roots, equal to the highest powered variable in the equation. The real problem in an argument arises due to linear thinking - it is like trying to look for only one root in a quadratic algebraic equation, whereas the other person has come up with the other root, making both of you right. Thus, it is only in understanding the other’s perspective can we put an end to the argument and come to a mutual agreement. Shifting our thinking from win-lose (one solution/one perspective) to win-win (multiple solutions/multiple perspectives) thus greatly helps in resolving the issue.

In addition, arguments in romantic relationships are usually more delicate and complicated as compared to arguments in other situations. As the partners depend on each other for love, there is a higher chance of an argument psychologically wounding the other, which may take much time to heal. The core issue behind most arguments in romantic relationships is usually a perception, real or imagined, that one is not getting love from the other. On many occasions, couples forget the original reason for the argument, and instead start arguing about how they are arguing! This is because as couples argue, they feel the lack of love from each other, which is quite hurtful for both parties involved.

When the mind is turned negative, it will not listen to any reason, and thus it is best to address the mind by sending it love instead of trying to rationalize and win the argument. Even if you win with your logic, you are not a real winner unless you are able to address your partners feelings as well. Love is thus the only medicine that can put an end to the argument between couples, and depending on the situation, the love required to resolve the argument may need to take the form of respect, validation, reassurance, trust, approval, acceptance, appreciation, caring or understanding.


“The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.” - George Bernard Shaw

"Fear not those who argue but those who Dodge" - Dale Carnegie


Keep The Faith Alive
Kaks

The Golden Goose Fable

Original Story: A farmer and his wife owned a very special goose. It was special because it would lay a golden egg everyday. This made the couple very rich.
One day, the farmer’s wife said to him, ”Just think, if we could have all the golden eggs that are inside the goose, we could be richer much faster.”
“You’re right,” said her husband, “We wouldn’t have to wait for the goose to lay her egg every day.”
So, the couple killed the goose and cut her open, only to find that she did not have any golden eggs inside of her at all. What was worse was that they now had no more golden eggs…
Moral: If you greed, you will end up killing the goose laying golden eggs

Story II: A farmer and his wife owned a very special goose. It was special because it would lay a golden egg everyday. This made the couple very rich.
One day, the farmer’s wife said to him, ”Just think, we spend so much feeding the goose, let’s cut the diet of the goose and save some money.”
“You’re right,” said her husband, “This will help us save some cost of managing the farm.”
So, the couple cut the feed to the goose and started saving money from her feed, only to find that she turned out pale starving and stopped laying eggs. A few months later the goose died starving.
Moral: If you don’t share your wealth with the one who is generating for you, you will loose the goose.

Story III: A farmer and his wife owned a very special goose. It was special because it would lay a golden egg everyday. This made the couple very rich.
One day, the farmer’s wife said to him, ”Just think, we spend so much feeding the goose, let’s cut the diet of the goose and save some money.”
“You’re right,” said her husband, “This will help us save some cost of managing the farm.”
So, the couple cut the feed to the goose and started saving money from her feed, only to find that goose started to jump the fence to the neighbor’s farm to pick up the feed. A week later the goose absconded from the framer’s farm to the neighbor’s farm.
Moral: If you don’t take care of the goose laying golden egg,  someone else will.

Explore Yourself

It was while watching the movie 'Sixth Sense' that the concept of Free Association Writing (FAW) caught my attention. A technique which is mostly used in psychoanalysis and devised by none other than Mr. Sigmund Freud.

The basic motive is to let the patient think for themselves and not let their analyst's or any other person's opinion shadow their own thoughts. The atmosphere should be free from any judgements and make the person comfortable to explore his/her thoughts even if they would be considered nonsensical, without censoring.

People who are ridden with depression are also advised to give it a try atleast. Every morning when you wake up, just start writing in your bedside diary whatever thoughts come to you. be it a dream, a fear, opinions, your long list of things to do and achieve.. anything..just let go of the bindings and write. Even if no thoughts come to you, you just keep on writing. You will be surprised to notice that by the time you are done with it on day 1 and get up, you actually feel refreshed. The key is to practice it on a regular basis atleast for 3 weeks. Why 3 weeks?? Why not more? Why not less?

Well, I read it somewhere, "It takes just 21 days to change a Habit". So that's why. It's not really that difficult.

Also, in the process you become aware of your own shortcomings, and are able to point out where exactly you  need to improve upon. Before you decide to change yourself, you first need to know yourself. So that's where FAW comes in and lends a helping hand.

You might think no good will come out of it, but then it does no harm as well. And you won't really know unless you give it a try.

Explore Yourself!!!

K

@Action replay

"I guess there are many sons ∧ daughters out there who would love to go to the past and heal their parent's relationship like in Action Replayy."

right here

Just in case anybody is wondering let me clear your doubts..'YES..I M STILL ALIVE!!!'.. and intend to remain so for a lot many years. Keeping busy and writing on papers at times.. but yeah will soon be making a few changes over here as well. one being updating the songs list and ofcourse a lot many posts here. Keep thinking of what I will write about and making notes or drafts about the same. Right now this much only coz have to complete some office work (sic). Miss writing on this blog but good to be back..
Love

Too Loyal than not loyal enough.

DIS-LOYALTY is the first CRACK in the ARMOR of any organization or relationship. I would rather be TOO LOYAL than not loyal enough! What's your opinion?



Also, the greater the loyalty of a group toward the group, the greater is the motivation among the members to achieve the goals of the group, and the greater the probability that the group will achieve its goals. Please note that in 'the loyalty of a group towards the group' all the words are equally important and applicable to all the members within the group. If even one of the person falters in this the whole group suffers.
 
Deliberately leaving a few things and opinions unsaid to make you think some more and express your independent opinion.
 
Keerti

Be it an employment relationship or a personal one, loyalty is an important ingredient that can make or break the bond. That's how I prefer my relations..I would rather be too loyal than not loyal enough, would rather be too helpful/caring ...to even let others take me for granted than not helpful enough, would rather go all the way to let people around me feel that I am always there for them than to have the guilt of I could have contributed some more.. its not the guilt that really bothers me, its probably when I need such a person around me I see emptiness. I guess its safe to add 'no expectations' to the Loyalty factor.

Problems

Read this in one of the blogs I follow in Facebook. Wanted to share.-

There was once a well-known scholar, who lived in a mountain in the Himalayas. Tired of living with men, he had chosen a simple life and spent most of his time meditating.


His fame, however, was so great that people were willing to walk narrow paths, climb steep hills, swim rivers – to meet the holy man who was believed to be able to resolve any trouble of the human heart.

The wise man said nothing but asked them to sit and wait. Three days passed, and more people arrived. When there was no room for anyone else, he addressed the people who were outside his door.

“Today I will give the answer that everyone wants. But you must promise that, to have your problems solved, you will not tell the new pilgrims that I moved here – so that you can continue to live in the solitude you so much crave. Tell me your problems” .

Someone began to speak, but was soon interrupted by others, as everyone knew that this was the last public hearing that the holy man was giving. The wise man let the situation be prolonged a little, until he cried, “Silence! Write your problems down and put the papers in front of me,” he said.

When everyone finished, the wise man mixed all the papers in a basket, then said, “Keep this basket moving amongst you. Each of you will take a paper, and read it. You will then choose whether to keep your problems, or take the one given to you.”

Each person took a sheet of paper, read it, and was horrified. They concluded that what they had written, however bad it was, was not as serious as what ailed his neighbor. Two hours later, they exchanged papers amongst themselves, and each one had to put their personal problems back into his or her pocket, relieved that their distress was not as hard as they once thought.

Grateful for the lesson, they went down the mountain with the certainty that they were happier than all the others, and – fulfilling the promise made – never let anyone disturb the peace of the holy man.


  - Has it happened with you that you knew something all along but just never gave words to it..coz its sort of been there all along..and giving words to it just didn't click. The above post brings a similar feeling.
I think I knew this all along and that's what kept me going.. Can't promise if it will reduce the suffering but it surely will give you strength to keep moving ahead. If others can do it, why can't you?!!..

Problems exist only if you let them exist. Its just a path you need to cross to get to the other side. Give your mind some rest and stop the crazy thoughts.. Keep smiling with the twinkle in ur eye..u will sail through just fine.

hugs and smiles :)

RULE-OF-THUMB

• Whatever excites you, go do it
• Whatever scares you, go do it
• Every time you're making a choice, one choice is the safe/comfortable choice - and one choice is the risky/uncomfortable choice. the risky/uncomfortable choice is the one that will teach you the most and make you grow the most, so that's the one you should choose.